The following rules only preclude runners from earning award money. Any runner who does not meet the qualification standards may still enter the race as an “official bandit.” “Official Bandits” will also be listed with an asterisk next to their names in the results.
As of 2016, Wade Grimes is the only person to have completed both the Boston Marathon and the Too Slow for Boston Marathon.
- You cannot be a first-time marathoner. The awards are reserved for those who have a proven track record of high-duration marathons. As a first-time marathoner, you also have the unfair advantage of “not knowing what you’re getting yourself into,” and that’s just an unfair advantage for this race.
- If you have ever officially completed the Boston Marathon (even if for charity), you can gain entry into the race as an "official bandit." Runners who have bandit-run the Boston Marathon ARE eligible to compete for award money and for one of the three slowest finishes at Too Slow for Boston. We’re big fans of banditry.
- You must be SLOWER than the times listed below for your age. This standard will be applied to the last 25 marathons you've run (or for all of the marathons you've run, if that number is less than 25). As I do your background check, I will match your times (and your age at the time of each marathon) with the chart below. ULTRA FINISHES WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED.
- The Race Director may participate in the race. He or she must pay an entry fee, but MAY NOT COLLECT ANY AWARD MONEY. RD family members are also precluded from receiving award money. The RD and/or any of his or her family members must also meet all other criteria for entry into this event.
- You may not exit the "official race" boundaries during the race. Boundaries will be explained in further detail during the course briefing. You will NOT be penalized for getting lost though. This rule is to prevent people from running a quick 25-something miles, leaving to go take a nap and/or do some grocery shopping, then coming back to finish the last little bit and collecting some award money.
- You may not set up a tent or any kind of primitive structure on the course. We aren’t hippies and this isn’t an ultra.
- Breaks at the start/finish area may not last longer than 1 hour at-a-time. This technically means I’ll be timing your poos.
- Runner activity on the course is limited to activity conducive to marathon running. For example, no swinging at the playground, spectating at one of the baseball or soccer games, and no fishing.
- If, during the Too Slow for Boston Marathon, any runners finish in times which are faster than their qualifying times, they will be precluded from receiving award money. In the case that all runners run times which are faster than the qualifying times, runners will be refunded their entry fees and encouraged to slow the hell down next year.
- Early or late starts will preclude you from earning award money.
- In the Event of a Tie: Every effort will be made to determine the "winners;" however, in the case of one or more ties, the percentage of award money given to each runner will be adjusted. A tie at any level will not reduce the amount of award money for any other level, other than how it may make one level redundant (ex. If there is a two-way tie for slowest runner, the next slowest runner will be the third slowest runner, and there will not be a second slowest runner). Other examples are as follows: If there is a two-way tie for the slowest runner, each runner will receive 42.5%, while the 3rd slowest runner still earns 15%. If there is a two-way tie for the slowest runner and a two-way tie for the 3rd slowest runner, the two slowest runners will still receive 42.5% each, and the two 3rd slowest runners will receive 7.5% each. If there is a three-way tie (or more) for the slowest runner, each runner in the tie will receive an equal share. If there is a two-way tie for the second slowest runner, the slowest runner receives 50% and the two second slowest runners each receive 25%. All other scenarios will follow the same pattern as these examples.
Qualifying Times (YOU MUST BE SLOWER THAN THESE TIMES)
Age Men Women
18-34 3:30 4:00
35-39 3:35 4:05
40-44 3:40 4:10
45-49 3:50 4:20
50-54 3:55 4:25
55-59 4:05 4:35
60-64 4:20 4:50
65-69 4:35 5:05
70-74 4:50 5:20
75-79 5:05 5:35
80+ 5:20 5:50